Ten uses for old sandbags

Finding uses for the sand inside the 6 million sandbags placed in Fargo-Moorhead this spring? No problem.

The retrieved sand can be used as backfill for houses or spread on roads for traction in the winter. And, if it isn't contaminated, the sand can be used again as flood protection within the 10-plus years it will take to get a permanent solution in place.

So, no, finding a home for the sand is not a problem.

But what can we do with all the sandbags in Fargo-Moorhead, to say nothing of most of the other communities in our region? We can't just toss them. That would be wasteful and environmentally unfriendly.

Previously owned sandbags shouldn't be used again because they may not hold up to the next test. We can't put property at risk by using hand-me-downs.

You will be relieved to learn that I have brainstormed some new uses for these 6 million sandbags. As always, there's no charge.

One thought is to place them over the heads of the right-wing and left-wing crazies on cable television, such as Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann and Ed Schultz. When they talked, the bags would make them harder to understand -- and consequently, more intelligent and thoughtful. All of the aforementioned four would require multiple bags because of their swollen heads.

We could call the Legislature back into session and have them declare that any Fourth of July celebration would require gunnysack races, with the sandbags serving as the gunnysacks. Seems silly, but it would be par for this legislative session. Plus, we need more old-fashioned entertainment that doesn't require electronics.

Call them stimulus shopping bags. Encourage recipients to shop until their sandbag is full of goodies, thereby stimulating the local economy.

But if none of those work for you, 10 more potential uses follow:

- Blindfolds in case Fargo Mayor Denny Walaker follows through on his threat to share a shower to save water during the next flood.

- Springfest barf bags.

- Wind socks capable of holding up to even our winds.

- Instead of measuring western North Dakota oil by the barrel, measure it by the sandbag.

- Coffins for gerbils, mice, goldfish or any other family pet deserving of a funeral.

- Slipcovers for first base, second base and third base at the neighborhood ballpark.

- Bibs for Fargo Marathon runners.

- Sew them together to make waterproof tents for Cub Scouts.

- Lawn bags for your Toro.

- Nonabsorbent toilet paper.

Reach Bakken at (701) 780-1125; (800) 477-6572, ext. 125; or send e-mail to rbakken@gfherald.com .