Norbert Schultz of rural Pingree, N.D., says he can predict winter's weather by looking at pig spleens.
I tried this pig spleen formula once, resulting in this forecast: There would be six more weeks before my appetite would return.
You've heard of Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and hypnosis. None work as well as the time-tested Spleen Analysis. Not coincidentally, Norbert is a lean 83-year-old.
Norbert, also being someone who gets his hands dirty when he works, has a stronger stomach than John Wheeler, whose hair-trigger gag reflex means he has to fall back on Doppler radar for his forecasts.
Meanwhile, Norbert merely removes a spleen, holds it up to the light and checks its height and width. The spleen dimensions tell him whether we're in for a snowy winter.
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We are, he says. You should get your snow blower into the shop for a tune-up because he claims he's been correct for 15 consecutive years. That's even better than The Old Farmers Almanac!
Eyeballing a spleen is not the only weather-predicting folklore. The most famous example is Groundhog's Day, when a groggy Punxsutawney Phil is rudely dragged from his burrow. If he sees his shadow, spring is six weeks away.
Having been roused from a deep sleep myself, I can understand how annoying this must be for Phil, especially since humans should be able to determine if it's sunny without Phil's help.
Other weather folklore is based on animal and plant characteristics. For instance, winter will be colder/snowier/tougher when:
- Squirrels begin gathering nuts early.
- Squirrels develop bushier tails.
- Onion skins are thicker.
- Corn husks are thicker and tighter.
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- Partridge have longer feathers down their legs.
- Wasps build their nests higher.
- Wooly worms have a wider brown band.
- Birds migrate south earlier.
- Retirees migrate to Phoenix earlier.
OK, I made that last one up. Retirees are more likely to listen to John Wheeler and his outmoded meteorological science and La Nina blather, rather than visionaries like Norbert.
Not me. I'm a firm believer in pig spleens as weather predictors and diet plans.
Reach Bakken at (701) 780-1125; (800) 477-6572, ext. 125; or send e-mail to rbakken@gfherald.com .
