Based on the handwringing over Hunter Biden's lucrative new art career, it seems supporters of Donald J. Grift have suddenly discovered ethics. Perhaps conversion therapy works after all.

If you're not tuned into the high-brow art world, allow me to explain. Hunter Biden's expected to make hundreds of thousands of dollars selling his abstract art in a SoHo art gallery. This, of course, has Trumpanistas fuming, and when the rightful despot is reinstated in August, things will change. For one thing, free pillows for everyone, and Eric Trump will start selling his renderings. In crayon.

“I hate it when a drug-addled president's son with loose morals gets ahead,” Don Jr. is thinking. (Ever since I got my Moderna shots I can read minds and tune in an oldies station from Snohomish, Washington. I also see dead people. Most of them unvaccinated. If you're wondering, Snohomish translated into English means Snohomish.)

Boy, that's like the pot calling the kettle marijuana. One suspects that Donald Twitch Jr. has consumed oil tanker-sized volumes of alcohol and barge-loads of illicit drugs during epic binges, or as I like to call it, yesterday.

Wanna see abstract art? Have Allen Weisselberg walk you through a Trump tax return.

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Of course, the newest Hunter Biden scandal is nothing when compared to Jimmy Carter's brother who capitalized on his name to launch Billy Beer, a brew roundly criticized, mostly because it was said to be awful. But that's just a matter of taste and timing. All beer tastes great at 2 a.m.

Like beer, art is in the eye of the beholder. Legions of critics see a Jackson Pollock and proclaim genius. I see spilled paint. That said, I once sold a drop cloth on eBay for $317 by suggesting it might be a long-lost masterpiece.

So what's Hunter Biden supposed to do? Laptop endorsements? Change his name to Kushner? This is the way America works. It's capitalism and nepotism, and a whole bunch of other isms, but Dear God, I pray, not socialism.

Do you think for one minute that Heidi Heitkamp would've become a U.S. senator and an in-demand television commentator without Joel paving the way? Heck, my own kids live in opulence — which is just a 20-minute drive from Snohomish — because they're riding on my fame and one unsolved bank job. My daughter drives a 2007 Mercury Milan (Premier Edition) and my son drives my 2005 Silverado that's still going strong after hitting two deer and a light pole at Starbucks. For you persnickety liberal Sentence Structure Police, yes, we hit the deer in the drive-through. At 243,000 miles, that truck is just “broke in,” and with inflationary pressures, valued at $37,000 according to Kelly Blue Book.

As far as I'm concerned, the system works. Are my columns worth $100 a word? Maybe not, but the contract was signed at 2 a.m. over 37 Billy Beers and a bar tab of $13.85. Keep the change. Some conservative writers, however, actually pay to be published. It just comes down to what the market will bear. Simple economics, really.

Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service. This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of this publication, nor Forum Communications ownership.