To paraphrase the Chinese saying, we live in interesting times. I’m not sure, but this could be the Year of the Dung Beetle. I suppose we could do a straight shot anytime anything weird happens but that would be dangerous and irresponsible.
Instead, we present another Tony Bender Current Events Quiz. Less dangerous. Just as irresponsible.
1. Last week, proving that it’s still 2020, Fargo police arrested:
- a. a man in a gorilla suit wielding a machete.
- b. a gorilla in a man suit wielding a banana.
- c. a man in a banana suit wielding a gorilla.
- d. Bananarama.
2. North Dakota has a skyrocketing number of COVID cases because:
- a. Hope Hicks kissing booth fundraiser.
- b. liberal hoax.
- c. ND Clueless.
- d. not enough advertising.
3. What the heck was that?
- a. presidential debate.
- b. Thunderdome.
- c. John Candy mud wrestling in "Stripes."
- d. the new normal.
4. People you should disavow:
- a. Proud Boys
- b. Humble Boys
- c. Proud Mary
- d. Backstreet Boys
5. What we know about President Trump’s COVID-19 infection:
- a. It’s just like the flu.
- b. Masks are for sissies.
- c. It will go away after the election.
- d. It’s a hoax.
6. Why can’t North Dakota keep a State Health Officer?
- a. It’s not you, it’s me.
- b. He Blinded Me with Science.
- c. mission accomplished.
- d. squeezed out by boob doctor.
7. Trump’s Supreme Court nominee:
- a. Sarah Jessica Parker.
- b. Jennifer Love Hewitt.
- c. Amy Coney Barrett.
- d. Jamie Lee Curtis.
8. Why did 60 Minutes do an expose on Fisher Sand & Gravel of Dickinson?
- a. boastful claims they can fix Leaning Tower of Pisa.
- b. My Pillow Guy unavailable.
- c. sued by Pink Floyd for making walls look bad.
- d. sued by a Boy Named Sue for the gravel in his gut and spit in his eye.
9. Why a mask mandate won’t work in North Dakota:
- a. There’s a mandate against mandates.
- b. plenty of room in the morgues.
- c. things going exactly as planned.
- d. rugged individualism.
10. The Farmers’ Almanac winter prediction includes:
- a. scattered murder hornets.
- b. Martian invasion.
- c. 4-12 Vikings season.
- d. zombies take over legislature, no one notices.
Bonus: What you can do with your zucchini.
- a. Stick it. In the oven.
- b. passive-aggressive gifting.
- c. resurface hockey rink.
- d. self defense.
Answers: 1. B; 2. D; 3. C; 4. A; 5. C; 6. A; 7. D; 8. C; 9. A; 10. A; Bonus: B. Grading: 11-9 correct: You win! No zucchini for you! 6-8 correct: Two zucchini in your back seat. 3-5 correct: six zucchini. 0-2 correct. 10 zucchini and one kohlrabi.
Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service.