April recedes, just like floodwaters
In April, we learned that you need only a 7-iron to rob local convenience stores. But I'd advise using a driver if you want to rob a bank, which has better security. By month's end, flooding problems finally had subsided in most places. One excep...
In April, we learned that you need only a 7-iron to rob local convenience stores.
But I'd advise using a driver if you want to rob a bank, which has better security.
By month's end, flooding problems finally had subsided in most places. One exception was Valley City, N.D., where residents were under a "limited flushing" edict. Presumably, that means, "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown ..."
Another exception was Devils Lake, which already has a record high with no crest in sight.
The Grand Cities had their third-highest river level in history, an event observed with a yawn. While the state suffered $100 million in flooding damage, the only monetary cost locally was the gas burned while idling in traffic jams. Or at least what qualifies as a traffic jam in North Dakota.
To test your knowledge of what else happened, please proceed with the April News Quiz. If you have a perfect score, you're eligible for a drawing for Fargo's 3.5 million used sandbags.
1. What was the biggest mistake made by flood-plagued communities this spring?
A) Failure to protect sewer systems.
B) Failure to anticipate overland flooding.
C) Failure to control dam releases.
D) Failure to torch a downtown block, bringing more attention, more sympathy and more federal aid.
2. Why did Sen. Arlen Specter switch to the Democratic Party?
A) He would have lost in the Republican primary.
B) Republicans have grown too conservative.
C) As the filibuster-busting 60th Democratic senator, he will wield great power.
D) Like Ed Schultz and Lindsay Lohan, he just wanted to switch teams.
3. Why did North Dakota senators undo the tobacco control program that voters passed in November?
A) They don't think voters were smart enough to understand Measure 3.
B) They want the program to be handled by the health department, not a separate agency.
C) They want to spend the money elsewhere.
D) They're following the advice of two guys -- Philip Morris and R.J. Reynolds.
4. Why did a naked man drive his pickup into a Bismarck hospital's emergency room?
A) He was intoxicated.
B) He had overdosed on medicine.
C) He was seeking help.
D) He needed a proctology exam -- NOW.
5. How will farmers cope with their wet fields?
A) They will begin fieldwork two weeks later than normal.
B) They will use different chemicals.
C) They will plant more soybeans.
D) They will plant rice.
6. Why did three-time loser Duane Sand file papers for a possible 2010 election race against Byron Dorgan?
A) It's a formality.
B) Federal Election Commission requires registration for political expenditures of $5,000 or more.
C) He believes Dorgan is vulnerable.
D) He's trying to break Harold Stassen's record for election futility.
7. Why does Grand Forks city government have to cut expenses?
A) Property tax revenues will shrink because home values are falling.
B) Sales tax revenues will shrink because of the economy.
C) Building permits and fees revenue will shrink because of construction slowdown.
D) Fines revenue will shrink because Mayor Brown and Gov. John Hoeven won't pay a $1,000 fine for walking on the dike during flooding.
8. The outstanding athletic achievement of April was:
A) Bemidji Beavers competing in the Frozen Four.
B) North Carolina winning NCAA men's basketball title.
C) Angel Cabrera winning the Masters.
D) Navy snipers showing perfect marksmanship in competition with Somali pirates.
9. Why is the Grand Forks Civic Auditorium up for demolition?
A) The area could be used for a grocery store, which is needed downtown.
B) The area could be used for downtown apartments, which have been popular.
C) The area could be used for an information technology center.
D) Even if those three prospects don't happen, it's addition by subtraction.
10. What was the most telling poll conducted in April?
A) The 64 percent approval rating for President Obama.
B) The 64 percent of Minnesotans urging Norm Coleman to give up the fight.
C) The 53 percent who want to keep North Dakota's two-class system in most high school sports.
D) The 100 percent who thought the weather over the past six months stunk worse that your average sugar beet factory.
Reach Bakken at (701) 780-1125; (800) 477-6572, ext. 125; or send e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org .