MIAMI - As a research psychologist and writer on family policy, it is my view that the parties who experience the greatest lifelong consequences of divorce ought to have the greatest voice in determining the structure of the post-divorce family.
Unfortunately, in divorce, the most affected are the least heard. To correct this imbalance, please consider three brief facts from peer-reviewed published research which I hope will lead Herald readers to support the Shared Parenting Initiative.
First, more than a half dozen studies indicate that when young adult children of divorce are asked to look back over their lives, they overwhelmingly wanted to have had more contact with their fathers when they were growing up. Second, and specifically, a national survey of 1,500 young adults found that more than 60 percent of the children of divorce reported that they often missed their fathers, whereas the opposite was true of children from intact families.
Third, and most critically, 70 percent of both young adult men and women believe that the best post-divorce family structure is equal amounts of time with both parents. And, most of the remaining 30 percent wanted a substantial number of overnights with dad.
As parents and as citizens, if you are not willing to listen to the lived experiences of the children of divorce, who are you going to listen to?
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Gordon Finley
Finley is a professor of psychology at Florida International University.
Measure 3 updates buggy-whip-era laws
LIDGERWOOD, N.D. - Herald columnist Lloyd Omdahl's columns on the Shared Parenting Initiative, Measure 3, shows that his views come from the "dark ages" or the "horse and buggy days," as one writer said it ("Who will speak up for single moms, children?", Page 3B, Oct. 16).
Back then, most mothers were expected and wanted to stay home and raise their families. When there was a divorce and the husband left, there weren't any means by which the mother could take care of the children. That's when laws had to be made to protect the mother and children and make sure they had enough income to sustain themselves, so a certain percentage of the husband's salary was targeted for this.
What most members of the public don't realize is that these laws still are on the books. When couples divorce, one spouse can go to a lawyer, take it to court, get sympathy from the judge and get custody of the children, no matter what age they are or what they want for themselves.
The other spouse pays for everything and doesn't see the children (except for four days a month), and can pay up to 10 times more than the children need for child support. That's when the frustration and low self-esteem sets in.
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This is what Omdahl thinks is best for the children. He thinks that by funneling a lot of money into a household, all of the families' problems are solved.
What Omdahl should start doing is checking out the average people in rural communities and what is going on in court custody cases. He needs to check on how fathers are affected when they are not involved in their children's lives, and how grandparents feel when their own children and grandchildren are not happy.
Are all politicians insensitive or are all insensitive people politicians? We need a change in child custody laws. We've had enough of the courts taking our children from us with no finding of unfitness.
Kenneth Clark
To Boys State and beyond: Elect Jamie Selzler
FARGO - This is a note to all District 43 voters. You have an opportunity to help yourselves on Tuesday.
Jamie Selzler is running for the North Dakota House in your district. He already has served the youth of our state by working as a Boys State counselor. As a Boys State counselor, he has helped teach the young men of our state about government, by supervising the governmental simulation of the state of North Dakota.
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A 10-year counselor, Selzler has demonstrated superior leadership and dedication to this program. In dealing with difficulties of the session, his superior judgment, professionalism and maturity have shown through.
I feel Selzler is a person possessing the character that District 43 voters need.
Neil Litton
Litton is director of North Dakota Boys State.
