Bob Heales always harbored two worries as he searched for Dru Sjodin the past five months.
One worry was that he wouldn't find her. The other was that he would.
"We wondered if we'd ever find her, and we were always afraid we would find her," said Heales, the private investigator/friend/spokesman who led the Sjodin family's searches.
That same ambivalence was present Saturday when she was found in a ravine just outside town.
"We don't know how to feel," Heales said. "We're numb to it. Initially, we were sad. But then we realized that the final piece of the puzzle was found today, which brought relief."
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Included in his relief was that a police reservist and retired deputy, not family or friends, found the body. Heales shook his head in disbelief about the recovery site.
"I can't begin to tell you how many times (father Allan Sjodin) and I went up and down that stretch of Highway 61," he said. "We literally passed right by her many, many times."
The last time was two weeks ago, when they came within perhaps 20 feet of where she was found in a ravine. He remembers the spot.
"The ravine was still drifted over with snow," he said. "We connected with each other that we needed to come back here and look again when the snow melted.
"We had a couple of days of snow after Dru first disappeared. I could see how that spot could drift over in a hurry."
Heales's face is a bright red from the sun and wind. But his complexion has been that way for months. Except for taking a month off in the dead of winter, he and Allan have kept searching.
"We spent 90 percent of our search time within one mile of where Dru was found," he said. "We were always in what was considered a prime focus area. And Dru was found in a prime focus area."
Short of time
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Heales feared that days were running short on ever finding her. If Saturday's search in Polk County had failed, Grand Forks County would have organized one more hunt. After that, it could have proved difficult to rally volunteers and a professionally led search.
"If those had failed, I was afraid we'd be back to just family looking," he said. "Plus, this was prime time to search. In another 10 days, there would be leaves and grass making things more difficult."
Hope never faded After evidence was revealed in the case against the accused, Alfonso Rodriguez, the family realized that the search's outcome likely wouldn't be good. But hope never died completely.
"There was still that part of us that we'd get a telephone call from a truck stop in Texas and Dru would be on the line telling us to come get her and take her home," Heales said. "We felt there was a tiny, tiny chance that there was an accomplice holding her somewhere."
A common theme of loved ones Saturday was that Dru had finally come home. Cousin Mike Sjodin used a black marker to change one letter on the button on his jacket.
The edited version read: "Came Home Dru Sjodin."
Chris Lang, Dru's boyfriend, called it "a horribly bittersweet day." Heales agreed.
Asked if Saturday was a good or bad day for the family, Heales answered: "It's a sad day, but it's a sad day with some relief."
