RYAN BAKKEN: Of mice, men and birth control

• Ryan Bakken

Ryan Bakken

Talk about it

A birth control pill for males is not far off, researchers say.

Don’t do it, I say. Stop the experiments. Stop the insanity.

Why? Because men can’t be trusted, that’s why.

We don’t remember anniversaries or birthdays. We don’t remember to take out the garbage. We don’t remember the three items we’re supposed to pick up at Hugo’s. We don’t even remember to put down the toilet seat.

So how on earth can we be trusted to remember to take The Pill? We can’t.

Since the elephant-sitting-on-my-chest episode 28 months ago, I have taken a series of medications twice a day, once when I wake up and once before I go to bed.

Yet, two to three times a week, I somehow forget to take those pills even though they’re a big part of my daily routine.

Men remember the name of the referee (Armen Terzian) who cost the Minnesota Vikings a playoff victory in 1975. But we don’t remember to take our Lipitor.

That’s proof that we can’t be trusted.

Because women have been using the pill for more than 50 years, it’s reasonable to think that men should take over that responsibility. But if we switch the birth control duties to men, we might run out of elbow room on the planet.

In addition to not being trustworthy, there’s a second reason for men recoiling at the thought of taking The Pill: They would be squeamish that the pills might affect their manhood.

Anyway, it appears that scientists are close to having male birth control beyond vasectomies and condoms. Mating tests on rats showed no change in behavior. And, its pill has been “100 percent effective and 100 percent reversible.”

However, I wonder if the scientists’ choice of using rats in the lab was just coincidence. Just because we’re forgetful wimps doesn’t mean we’re rats.

Reach Bakken at (701) 780-1125; (800) 477-6572, ext. 125; or send e-mail to rbakken@gfherald.com.

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