'Like no other day' (Dec. 16, 2009)

As her first-born son, Jason, lay in hospital beds battling the brain cancer that would finally take him at age 19, Michelle Stadstad watched in wonder and gratitude as nurses cared for him with tenderness, skill and warmth.

“I was always so inspired by them,” she said. “It wasn’t only the care they gave him, but the smiles and care they gave to all our family.”

For nearly 25 years, Michelle had worked as a development officer for the UND Foundation, a job she loved. But in those days and nights by Jason’s side, a plan took hold.

Today is the third anniversary of her son’s death.

Today is the first day of the third annual charity hockey tournament named for Jason.

And today, Michelle Stadstad will receive a pin at a ceremony at Northland Community and Technical College in East Grand Forks, a pin that marks an important milestone in her life.

After two years of intense study, she is a nurse.

She will become a licensed practical nurse after she passes her nursing boards in January. Some time, hard study and hands-on work after that, she expects to become a registered nurse, an RN, and take her place in the profession she came to admire so much at the most difficult time of her life.

“I didn’t think about it — really think about doing it — until after Jason passed away,” she said. “I knew I wanted to stay home for a while and make sure my family was OK.

“But I had a sense there was a plan for me.”

There were reminders each step of the way, each time she was assigned to do a practicum in a new area at the hospital.

“Every place I’ve been, in the emergency room or wherever, one of Jason’s nurses was there to mentor me.”

‘Keep on … ’

Jason was a sophomore at Grand Forks Central when doctors first diagnosed a brain cancer. He fought it with courage and a relentless optimism that captured the broader community’s attention and respect.

Told several times that he might have just weeks to live, he determined to “keep on keeping on” — a personal motto that survived him and became a rallying cry for all who were drawn into his life and his story.

In the summer of 2007, a few months after his death, his mother went to the college to check out the nursing program.

In her mid-40s, Michelle knew she would be twice the age of most of her fellow students.

“I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself at first,” she said. “It had been 20-some years since I’d been in school, and I was so frightened. Can I really do this? Hasn’t my family been through enough? Was this fair — the financial sacrifice, the stress?”

The head of the nursing program was there. She outlined all that would be required, the time and effort and commitment it would take, but she did it in a warm and encouraging way that recalled the honest and sincere caring of Jason’s nurses.

“She sat down and opened her arms to me,” Michelle said.

At the hospitals where Jason had gone through so many tests and procedures, “we had a lot of really tough days,” said Lee Stadstad, Jason’s father. “But the nurses could take a cloudy day and make it sunny. They’d come in and take the horrible and lighten it.

“You remember that. You carry that with you.”

Michelle nodded.

“I hope I can do that,” she said. “I want to do that for people, no matter whether it’s cancer they’re dealing with or something else. I want to be like one of the great nurses we had.”

Lee Stadstad, who works for the Grand Forks County highway department and also builds houses, turned a room in their Manvel home into an office where Michelle could study.

“It was each of the boys’ baby room,” she said. (The Stadstads have two other sons, Jared, 20, and Justin, 16.)

The study holds a serious desk now, and cabinets stacked with nursing texts and journals … and Jason’s baseball glove, his Central hockey jersey, a toy truck and stuffed bear from his childhood, with scores of framed pictures, many donated by Jason’s friends, literally covering the walls.

Each is a reminder, she said, not just of her son, but from him:

“He never quit,” she said. “He never complained. He saw everything in life as a gift.

“He inspires me every single day.”

‘Like no other day’

The convergence of so much on this day, this 17th of December, is no coincidence, she believes.

“It’s the third anniversary of his passing, and it’s the start of the tournament that means so much to us.

“And it’s my pinning day,” she said, blinking and smiling through tears.

“I will feel his presence on this day like on no other day.”

Reach Haga at (701) 780-1102; (800) 477-6572, ext. 102; or send e-mail to chaga@gfherald.com.

Tags: michelle stadstad, jason stadstad, jason stadstad hockey classic, local news, gf and egf